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No. 87: Darwin's Hands

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Darwin's Hands

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Strip by: AlduinTheCat

Narration Box: Buying a VR gaming setup for a friend is a great idea...
Narration Box: ...until you realize they'll be essentially fighting invisible assailants blindfolded.
Narration Box: You might as well give someone with dementia a pair of nunchucks.
Narration Box: 'Course, if you did that the problem would take care of itself.
{MadBug and VRBug are about to engage in combat.}
Bug: Welp, it's in Darwin's hands now.
Narration Box: It seems a bit odd that any two dips can just go make a person.
Narration Box: I mean, you can't even make a retaining wall without a builder's permit.
Narration Box: You should need a contractor to make sure the couple is up to code.
Narration Box: I'm sure many potential parents would end up scheduled for demolition.
{The Bug Couple is tied together with dynamite.}
FemBug: WAIT! We'll just get a dog instead!
Contractor Bug: Welp, it's in Darwin's hands now.
Narration Box: I'm a polite person which, of course, means I hate trying homemade beers.
Narration Box: I just don't have it in me to tell someone that their concoction tastes like carbonated wee-wee.
Bug: .....................Yum.
Narration Box: I could go blind from their brew and I'd still feel obligated to give it high praise.
Narration Box: Even if I needed my stomach pumped I'd still find a positive angle.
Doctor Bug: This man has been poisoned!
Bug: Welp, it's in Darwin's hands now.
Narration Box: Try as I might, I can't find any kids playing "Cowboys And Indians".
Narration Box: 'Course, I don't think modern children know what the hell cowboys and Indians even are.
Narration Box: I guess now they play "YouTubers And Commenters"...
{A kid is throwing rocks at a running kid holding a mock-up YouTube video border.}
SFX: Tonk!
Narration Box: ...or "Something Taken Out Of Context And Social Justice Warriors".
Running Kid 1: A lack of sunlight retards plant growth!
Running Kid 2: {Making finger guns} Welp, it's in Darwin's hands now! Pew! Pew!
Narration Box: Okay, I panic WAY too much when I'm waiting for a vending machine snack to fall.
Narration Box: You'd think I was watching some nincompoop try to defuse a bomb.
{A shaky Bug watches IdiotBug hold pliers while staring at a time bomb uncomprehendingly.}
IdiotBug: Uh...
Narration Box: If my treat gets stuck I SHOULD just shrug and walk away...
{Bug walks away from a vending machine while shrugging.}
Bug: Meh.
Narration Box: ...NOT feel despair that would annoy even Edgar Allen Poe.
Bug: Those Butterfinger Bites shall be mine...nevermore.
Edgar Allen Poe Bug: Welp, it's in Darwin's hands now.
Narration Box: I'm surprised more evil witches aren't also accountants.
Narration Box: Because if I could choose between doing my taxes or giving up my firstborn...
Narration Box: ...well, let's just say I'd be hanging one less stocking next Christmas.
Narration Box: Heck, being a firstborn myself I might throw in ME for good measure.
WitchBug: You know I'm gonna bake you into a pie.
Bug: Welp, it's in Darwin's hands now.

The author writes:

Comment on Bug Martini strip "Virtual Fatality":

Careful what you say, gsekse! The walls have ears! ONE OF THOSE EARS WAS ME.

Original Strips: All comics between (and including) Get Witch Quick and Virtual Fatality.