Strip by: DanielBT
Jon: I can't believe it!
Jon: ...Things were going so well...
Jon: I was clean-shaven, wearing my best cologne...
Jon: -Had made a reservation for two at a wonderful restaurant.
Jon: We'd ordered our meals...
Jon: I was telling her stories about my boyhood on the farm...
Jon: When I had an accident at the salad bar.
Jon: I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked a crock of garbanzo beans onto the floor.
Jon: A fat woman slipped on them and somersaulted onto the soup-of-the-day tureen.
Jon: Then her husband threw a bowl of broccoli florets at me and I bucked, falling facefirst into the French dressing.
Jon: Then the woman attacked me, force-feeding me jalapeño peppers and stuffing black olives in my ears while her husband put a cold pewter plate down my pants.
Jon: Then I tripped and fell down six flights of stairs.
Jon: When I landed, I got my head stuck in a bucket of pork chops.
Jon: Then, a roaming pack of hungry wolves mistook me for lunch...
Jon: ...And chased me into an open elevator shaft, which wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for the rabid shaft badgers.
Jon: I went out to get the paper, and my robe got caught on a passing street sweeper.
Jon: I swept five neighborhoods with my FACE before I could get the driver's attention.
Jon: It took three fire companies and a crowbar to get me loose. I'm lucky to be alive.
Jon: Then on the way home I was nearly run over by a cab.
Jon: I yelled at the driver, "Hey, you! Watch where you're going!"
Jon: Then he jumped out of the cab and grabbed me by the neck and started...
Lyman: Hey, Jon, what happened to you guys?
Jon: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.
The author writes:
Jon has a tendency to have ludicrously bad things happening to him on a regular basis. It was a simple matter to combine most of these into one strip, where his escalating events eventually degenerate into Fletcher Hanks territory.