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No. 5403: The Garfocalypse, Or 'Jon Buys Significantly More Than 12 Items'

First | Previous | 2024-03-04 | Next | Latest

The Garfocalypse, Or 'Jon Buys Significantly More Than 12 Items'

First | Previous | 2024-03-04 | Next | Latest

Permanent URL: https://mezzacotta.net/garfield/?comic=5403

Strip by: Linguanaut

{Panel 1: Garfield is standing on a surface, presumably a benchtop, as Jon enters with a brown paper bag}
Jon: Hey, Garfield! You know that checkout lane at the grocery store for 10 items or less?
{Panel 2: Jon places the bag on the surface, Garfield leans in to inspect it, looking unimpressed; Jon, meanwhile, throws his hands up theatrically}
Jon: Well, sir, I made it through with 12, count 'em, 12 items! [footnote 1]
{Panel 3: Jon continues the pose, beaming silently, as Garfield looks down and inspects the contents of the bag. Another strip begins in the space directly below the panel, implying that Jon has in fact purchased more Garfield strips, creating a recursive nightmare}
{From this point on, panels will receive a suffix number after a decimal point, indicating their logical 'timeline' or row, so '3.1' for the first-row (or it would have been, if I'd given the gag away early for the sake of clear numbering), '3.2' for the second, etc}
{Panel 3.2: Jon and Garfield are sitting with a pair of green mugs; Jon has lifted his to drink}
Jon: Good coffee
{Panel 4.1: Garfield continues to stare into the bag, as yet another Garfield strip begins below the coffee one}
{Panel 4.2: Jon and Garfield are sitting with mugs. Garfield looks bored}
Jon: Hot coffee
Garfield: Here it comes
{Panel 4.3: Jon and Garfield are sitting in an empty room, looking bored, and doing nothing}
{Panel 5.1: Garfield continues to stare into the bag. Jon is now staring vacantly into the middle-distance}
{Panel 5.2: A lazily-edited Garfield has smashed into the panel that was supposed to be here}
{Panel 5.3: A piece of yarn has appeared on the surface in front of Jon, causing him to yell out in distress}
{Garfield has been startled so violently by this that he has been propelled into the panel above}
{Panel 6.1: Garfield and Jon are both back to staring into the bag full of Garfield strips}
{Panel 6.2: The background and framing are now different, implying that this was supposed to be a different strip. Garfield is sitting next to a piece of yarn}
Piece of yarn: Dad?
{Garfield appears shocked}
{Panel 6.3: Jon is now sitting alone, mouth agape, looking at the blank piece of comic panel where Garfield should be}
{Panel 7.1: Garfield continues to stare into the bag; Jon is now looking side-long at the audience. He doesn't even care what he's done}
{Panel 7.2: Garfield has immediately lost interest in the talking yarn}
Garfield: Where's my ball of yarn?
{Panel 8.1: Garfield and Jon are back to looking into the bag}
{Panel 8.2: Jon appears, looking defeated; Garfield has fallen on his back. The yarn is still sitting there}
Jon: Practising... just in case.
Garfield: The weekends are way too long
{Panel 9.1: Garfield is now looking directly at the audience; Jon is doing a victory dance behind his bag of ruined Garfield strips}
Garfield: One small step for man, one giant leap for nerdkind
{Panel 10.2, floating after the end of the rest of the strip: Jon, Lyman, and Garfield are sitting at the dinner table; Jon and Garfield look pleased with themselves but Lyman is nonplussed}
Lyman: This is going to be a long week

The author writes:

Oh! What a disaster. I titled this one 'Garfocalypse' ironically, but after typing out that transcript I think it might just be bad enough to warrant the name.

I had planned on doing this one for a while; the original idea was a bit more convoluted and involved some additional strips crossing over each other in other ways, but then I realised that 1) I would have to fit that into a 2-D plane, and what I did here was already a bit much of an ask, and 2) I would then have to write a transcript describing the resultant mess.

Also, I didn't plan it this way, but if you do count the number of items in Jon's bag - that is, the number of comic panels - there's another joke that is possibly funnier than any of the ones I actually did plan.

[Footnote 1: Didn't it used to be '12 items or less' anyway? Then it went up to '15 items or less', and then it was just 'Please don't bring anything larger than the small shopping trolley through'. Or at least that's how I remember it going here in Australia. Weird.]

Original strips: 1978-12-04, 2001-05-05, 2007-02-01, 2008-07-08, 2011-11-12.