T-Rex: What the Hogwarts Sorting Hat does on the...
T-Rex: OTHER 364 DAYS!
T-Rex: Traffic cone in the teachers' car park. A prop for teaching conic sections in Arithmancy. Representing Scotland in the Eurovision Song Contest.
Utahraptor: Busking! People toss coins into... him.
Utahraptor: When times are really tough he works for an illusionist and pretends not to be able to have things pulled out of him.
T-Rex: Such a great work ethic for a hat.
T-Rex: He wants to get ahead in life.
The author writes:
While writing this we came up with a fan theory:
The Sorting Hat stuffed up with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Royally. An absolute, complete and utter cock-up. Think about it.
The Hat missed Every. Single. Trick. with these three. The question is "Why?" And the obvious answer is Voldemort.
And connecting the dots, it all becomes crystal clear. Voldemort wanted these three together in Gryffindor for some reason. (The actual reason is unimportant - we're more interested in the how rather than the why.) So he blackmailed the Sorting Hat.
Follow the thread to its logical conclusion...
The Sorting Hat has some dark secret to hide.
This much is on rock solid ground, but here the territory becomes a little murkier. What is the Sorting Hat's dark secret? Well, it's secret, so we're not privy to it. But here are some possibilities: