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No. 2458: Hardware Store

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Hardware Store

First | Previous | 2016-02-10 | Next | Latest

Strip by: Cody

Caption: They've got allen wrenches
Jon: As soon as I reassemble the mower!
Garfield: {offers Jon a wrench} Wrench?
Caption: Gerbil feeders
Jon: I hate gerbils.
Garfield: So do I. They're all gristle.
Caption: Toilet seats
Garfield: {in the toilet} I hate Mondays.
Caption: Electric heaters
{Garfield walks past a heater}
Caption: Trash compactors
Garfield: {inside a suitcase that's been thrown away} Who says nothing good ever happens on a Monday?
Caption: Juice extractors
Garfield: {looking at a pizza and a glass of juice} Cold pizza and orange juice.
Caption: Shower rods
{Jon is standing outside the bathtub, someone is apparently inside}
Inside bathtub: ♫ rowr rowr ROWRRRR ♪
Caption: And water meters
Garfield: {holding up a pipe wrench} I feel kinda bad about turning off the water main.
Jon: {off-panel} GAAAAHHHH
SFX: twist twist twist twist twist twist
Caption: Walkie-talkies
Jon: But maybe I'm just paranoid.
Garfield: {talking into a walkie-talkie} Release the anvil.
Caption: Copper wires
{Garfield plugs in a cord}
SFX: FZZZZT
Caption: Safety goggles
Garfield: {carrying a flame thrower and wearing goggles} Goggles, flame thrower...
Caption: Radial tires
{Garfield is sitting inside a flat tire}
Jon: Only you could give a tire swing a flat.
Garfield: Maybe it had a slow leak.
Caption: BB pellets
{Garfield is pointing a gun out the window}
SFX: pew pew
Caption: Rubber mallets
Garfield: {holding a mallet} Me and Mr. Mallet.
Clock: I'll be sleeping in.
Caption: Fans and dehumidifiers
{Jon and Garfield in front of a fan}
Caption: Picture hangers
{Jon smiling over a portrait of himself smoking a pipe}
Caption: Paper cutters
{Garfield is holding up a pair of scissors}
Jon: I'll let you know if I see a cat food coupon, okay?!
Caption: Waffle irons
Garfield: {holding open a waffle iron} Hey, kid, how'd you like to play on this waffle iron?
Nermal: Bug off.
Caption: Window shutters
{Jon is stuck in the shutters}
Caption: Paint removers
Jon: {painting a wall} GARFIELD!
Caption: Window louvers
{a fancy set of windows over a mousehole}
Garfield: I don't recall you applying for a permit to build a bay window...
Caption: Masking tape
{Garfield, Jon, and Odie all have their faces distorted by tape}
Garfield: Fun with tape.
Caption: And plastic gutters
{Jon and Garfield looking out the window}
Jon: There's old man Barnard, cleaning his gutters...
Caption: Kitchen faucets
{Garfield turning off the kitchen sink}
SFX: twist twist twiiiiist
SFX: DRIP DRIP DRIP
Caption: Folding tables
Garfield: {grinning} Round table.
Caption: Weather stripping
{lightning}
SFX: KABOOM!
Caption: Jumper cables
{Garfield. with a cable strapped on, jumping from the table}
SFX: sproing!
Caption: Hooks and tackle
{Garfield dressed up to go fishing, going towards a fishbowl}
Jon: Don't even think about it.
Caption: Grout and spackle
Jon: {looking at a cat-shaped hole in the door} I'm getting tired of replacing that door.
Garfield: Try spackle.
Caption: Power foggers
{Odie's panting fogging up the room}
SFX: pant pant pant
Caption: Spoons and ladles
{a spider crawling towards a spoon}
Caption: Pesticides for fumigation
Garfield: {holding up a can} This can of bug spray ought to do the trick.
Caption: High-performance lubrication
{Garfield pouring oil on a mice}
SFX: koink koink koink
Caption: Metal roofing
Garfield: The guy is here to fix the roof.
Caption: Waterproofing
{Garfield being sprayed by water}
SFX: squirrrrt
Caption: Multi-purpose insulation
Jon: {in the wall, somehow} Garfield! I'm stuck in the wall!
Caption: Air compressors
{Odie's nose has been pumped up by an air pump}
Garfield: Idle paws are the devil's workshop.
Caption: Brass connectors
{Garfield has a rope connected to Jon's shoe laces}
Garfield: And, as a bonus joke, I have attached this rope to an airliner about to leave for Italy.
Caption: Wrecking chisels
{Odie holding a chisel and a hammer}
Caption: Smoke detectors
{Garfield looking up at something on the ceiling}
On the ceiling: I hear your birthday cake is coming with a smoke alarm!
Caption: Tire gauges
Caption: {in the panel} NOW:
Jon: Think she'd like a tire pressure gauge?
Garfield: We're bachelors, baby.
Caption: Hamster cages
{Jon with a cage}
Garfield: Don't lock me up! I'll be good! I swear!
Caption: Thermostats
{Jon turning up a thermostat}
SFX: crank
Caption: And bug deflectors
{Garfield swatting insects}
SFX: SPLAT!
Caption: Trailer hitch demagnetizers
{a semi-truck trailer that says "Garfield Express"}
Caption: Automatic circumcisers
Garfield: {holding up a medical tool} I don't even want to know where this goes.
Caption: Tennis rackets
Garfield: {looking at a tennis racket} Aunt Reba!
Caption: Angle brackets
{Jon tightening the hinges on a pet door}
SFX: screw screw screw
Caption: Duracells and Emergizers
{Garfield, a sentient jar of pickles, and a sentient pack of batteries}
Garfield: And you?
Pack of batteries: I'm the package of batteries you never could open.
Caption: Soffit panels
Garfield: Is it my imagination, or is this strip getting longer?
Caption: Circuit breakers
{darkness}
Garfield: Au contraire, power failure breath.
Caption: Vacuum cleaners
{Jon vacuuming}
Sentient hair: They didn't tell us about this in business school...
Caption: Coffee makers
{Garfield chugging down a cup of coffee}
SFX: slup
Caption: Calculators
Jon: {holding a calculator} From now on, I'm keeping track of the calories you take in!
Caption: Generators
{Garfield and several other cats under the hood of a car}
Caption: {in panel} But, it still won't start on a cold morning!
Jon: Come on, guys. I'm late for work!
Garfield: Take a hike, Jack.
Other cats: Z
Caption: {in panel} Believe it, or DON'T!
Caption: Matching salt and pepper shakers
{a logo showing, from left to right, a large container of salt, ketchup and mustard, and matching salt and pepper shakers}

The author writes:

I have taken the list from "Weird Al" Yankovic's song "Hardware Store" and captioned panels from 56(!!) Garfield comics to the lyrics.

Original strips: 2005-07-26, 2012-11-11, 1978-10-09, 2004-11-14, 2003-11-09, 2011-03-12, 2009-12-01, 1989-05-03, 1994-12-15, 1997-09-13 (by way of SRoMG #182), 1998-10-03, 1996-09-02, 1990-04-02, 2002-06-26, 1980-10-15, 1993-04-25, 1990-09-15, 1998-07-29, 1991-03-08, 2007-09-29, 1995-11-19, 1999-04-04, 2012-04-30, 1979-03-04, 1985-04-16, 2008-05-31, 1992-03-22, 1997-03-10, 1990-03-19, 1981-03-11, 2000-11-01, 1995-06-29, 2001-07-29, 1997-11-18, 1988-12-09, 2004-05-09, 2008-06-11, 2010-12-19, 1985-04-19, 2008-01-06, 2013-07-07, 2006-03-19, 1982-11-21, 1979-06-06, 1979-06-17, 2014-06-18, 2004-06-14, 1984-07-09, 2009-02-21, 1994-08-07, 1991-06-27, 1986-01-20, 2009-06-21.