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No. 1118: Jon's Twilight Saga

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Jon's Twilight Saga

First | Previous | 2012-06-10 | Next | Latest

Strip by: The Madb

{Jon and Garfield are in a pottery class. Next to them is Bella.}
Jon: Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle
Bella: Hello, my name's Bella. I've never seen you before in pottery class.
Jon: Tonight's my first class.
Bella: Well, I think you'll enjoy it.
{Garfield smiles and points to Jon, who grins back to him. Bella studies the clay in front of her.}
Garfield: I know that look. You're going to ask her out, aren't you?
Bella: So when are you going to ask me out?
{Jon and Bella chat while Bella works on some clay. Garfield, alarmed, taps Jon's shoulder.}
Jon: Would you like to go out with me, Bella?
Garfield: Don't do it, Jon! There's something strange about her.
{Jon and Bella chat while Garfield asides to the audience.}
Bella: That would be nice!
Jon: Great!
Garfield: We cats have a sixth sense about these things.
{Jon and Bella beam at each other while Garfield is unimpressed.}
Jon: We'll do dinner.
Garfield: Plus, she's making a pile of clay vampire fangs.
{Bella and Jon sit at a table for two, dressed up nice with drinks before them.}
Bella: Tell me, Edward, of all the girls in pottery class, why did you ask me to dinner?
Jon: because you're cute.
{Bella looks flattered, Jon grins, thinking he's scored some points.}
Bella: Cute? Me?
{Bella slams her fist into the table a couple of times, shouting and knocking their drinks over. Jon suddenly whistles 'casually,' wishing he were anywhere else.}
Bella: Whooha! Snort! You're gonna... Snort! Make me blush!
{The mess has been cleaned, and they're back to talking normally.}
Jon: I'm curious, Bella. Why are you taking the pottery class?
Bella: Well, because I love nature, and clay is from the earth.
{Bella suddenly shouts, startling Jon}
Bella: Gotta save the Earth!
{Bella turns to the elderly lady at the table next to them, slapping her back while Jon tries to hide.}
Bella: You want to save the Earth, lady?!
Jon: Where's our meal?
{Things calm down again.}
Bella: By the way, Edward. Did I tell you I was raised by wolves?
Jon: You're kidding
{Bella scratches behind her ear with her foot to Jon's astonishment.}
Bella: No, really!
Jon: Check please
{Bella takes off her left shoe, stretching her leg up and wriggling her toes. Jon, embarrassed, tugs at his collar.}
Bella: Hoo-wee! These shoes are tight!
Jon: So... Bella... I... you, um...
{Bella fights with her right shoe, pulling at it with her leg over the table. Jon tries to get her attention but is too embarrassed to say something outright.}
Bella: Rats! I can't get this shoe off.
Jon: Uh, Bella? I can see straight down to your... your... um...
{Bella lays her leg on the table, staring at it matter-of-factly. Jon is horrified by what she says:}
Bella: Reckon I'll have to gnaw this leg off at the knee.
Jon: Let me help with the shoe!
{The waiter finally arrives with their dinner and drinks, serving Bella first and then Jon.}
Jon: So you were raised by wolves?
Bella: Yup. Till I was discovered and brought to civilization
Jon: And who did that?
{Bella wolfs down her food. At her answer, Jon asides to the audience.}
Bella: Stephenie Myer.
Jon: That explains a lot.
{Jon tiredly walks in the front door to the house to find Garfield waiting there.}
Jon: What a weird date. I took out this lady who was raised by wolves
{Both of them look out the door in surprise as Bella howls from off-screen.}
Bella: EDWARRD!!!
{Jon realises he brought her home while Garfield moves to solve the problem.}
Jon: Ohmigosh! I brought her home with me!
Garfield: I'll call the dog catcher.
{Months later, Jon and Garfield are sitting at home. Garfield drinks coffee and Jon is blue.}
Jon: Sigh...
Jon: Garfield, I'm depressed.
Garfield: What an absolute shock.
Jon: I haven't had a date in months.
Garfield: Time sure files when you're not having fun.
Jon: Maybe I should give Bella a call...
Garfield: Wasn't she the one who was raised by wolves?
Jon: She was raised by wolves, though, wasn't she?
Garfield: I can still hear her howling your name, "Edward"
{a beat}
{Jon, off-screen, is on the phone.}
Jon: Hello, Bella? It's me... um, Edward.
Garfield: Ask her if she's had her shots.
Jon: You dumped me? For who?
Jon: Who's Jacob?
Garfield: Still better than the movies.

The author writes:

This is another instance where I started off with one strip and ended up doing the whole series, except for the set-up strips (1990-11-19 to 1990-11-22). That and a lingering nightmare called Twilight. Considering how many people hate the series (and the movies series), I'm often astonished at how much money they made...

One thing I had fun with was Bella (formerly known as "Kimmy" in the original strips) calling Jon "Edward," and him never correcting her. Perhaps he was desperate enough to get any female attention that he didn't want to ruin his chances? Or perhaps he was oblivious enough to not notice.

I was reminded of several out-of-nowhere conversations I've had with various people, so I had Bella belt out, "Gotta save the Earth!" just to share the strangeness of those moments.

The disconnected conversation about the shoe and her... exposure... struck me the first time I saw these comics, back when they were in the papers. My first thought was, "Good lord! She's showing him her..." and being very young at the time, didn't actually complete the thought.

And one last thing - in looking over the original story-line, there's a difference between the story strips themselves and the later wrap-up. Jim had gone from the organic, drawn-in speech and thought bubbles to a talking head layout. I was saddened when I realised how machine-like the bubbles (and strip) had become.

Original strips: 1990-11-23, 1990-11-24, 1990-11-25, 1990-11-26, 1990-11-27, 1990-11-28, 1990-11-29, 1990-11-30, 1990-12-01, 2004-05-30.