Planet of Hats


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Episode A.23: Season A Recap


And with that recap we draw an end to the Animated Series. Planet of Hats will continue with the original cast feature films, from The Motion Picture to The Undiscovered Country, as a finale. However, I will take a break for a while, as I have other projects that require attention, as well as both an overseas business trip and a vacation coming up in the next few months.

The next episode of Planet of Hats will appear on Wednesday, 4 January, 2017. See you then for the final frontier!


Giant Bee: {on screen} Bzzz! Danger! A malevolent life form infected our hive! We stranded it here at this dead star. You are DOOMED! Bzzz!
Kirk: Now what d'you suppose that's about?
Caption: Ancient bee-cording
Caption: Alien entity {lurking behind Kirk and Spock}
Caption: Personal log. I have saved my younger self and restored history. Fortunately the risks of time travel can be rectified.
{Spock at the Guardian of Forever. McCoy is in a Nazi uniform, saluting}
McCoy: Spock! Welcome back. Heil Hitler!
{exterior shot of Enterprise inside the cloud}
Kirk: Can you communicate with it, Spock?
Spock: Impossible, captain. It requires physical contact. But... I may be able to do it remotely.
Caption: Almost actual dialogue.
{Enterprise bridge}
Chapel: Female science team analysis. The signal is attractive and enervating to all males.
Uhura: I'm taking command of the Enterprise!
Chapel: Boo-yah!
McCoy: But if we poke these giant tribbles...
SFX: Pop!
{hundreds of small tribbles fall on Kirk}
Kirk: Why do I feel like we've done this before?
Vendorian/Carter: Carter loved you, as do I now. Anne, this is what I am. Can you love this?
Anne: Hmmm... tentacles. I could get used to it...
Caption: Plot thing that actually happens
Caption: Kirk has a fist fight with a plant!
SFX: Pow!
Caption: Spock does black magic:
Spock: {standing on a pentagram} Magic works here. It is logical that we use it.
Caption: Thing that happens
Kirk: {over radio} Enterprise, come in.
M'Ress: M'Ress here. Purrr... What can I do for you... captain? Purrr...
Kirk: Uh...
M'Ress: Whoops! My gravity has fallen off... Purrr...
Spock: {narrating flashback} She then "accidentally" fell into my lap.
Chapel: Mr Spock, here's that medical... oopsie!
Chapel: Help! I fell into a fish tank! I'm so useless!
Kirk: I'll save you with this needle and thread that happen to be sitting around in a 23rd century suture-free sickbay.
Devna: We are trapped in a pocket universe where time passes slowly. A century means nothing to us.
Xerius: Any violence is punishable by a century of confinement!
Kirk: Screw that, we're getting out of here.
{Enterprise sick bay}
McCoy: You've been mutated into water-breathers!
Spock: Biology does not—
Kirk: We have two options. Live in a tank, or on Argo. I don't accept either!
Spock: Logically, you must accept—
Kirk: Neither!
Chuft Captain: We have the weapon!
Weapon: I am a Slaver spy tool, and you are an enemy.
Chuft Captain: Tell us how to access your weaponry!
Weapon: Twist my widdershins until you reach the null position.
Caption: actual line
Spock: These telepathic aliens are far in advance of us. We are but animals to them.
McCoy: I've seen the way we treat aliens we don't understand. We're boned.
Tchar voice over: And to nullify my natural advantage in combat, I neutralised gravity!
Kirk: Lucky we train regularly in zero-gee combat.
Spock: Yes, despite never having mentioned it in 98 previous episodes.
Caption: Orion pirates steal the rendezvous ship's cargo and hide in a field of explosive asteroids!
{Atari Asteroids graphic}
Caption: Without phasers, they're captured:
Bem: You guys suck. Without violence, you are most ineffective.
Spock: He has a point, captain. There is diplomacy. We could do the sensible thing.
Kirk: We can't risk it! Let's do something reckless!
Caption: First appearance of a holo-deck. And it malfunctions.
Uhura: Who ever thought these things were a good idea?
Spock: {to McCoy} Your defence rests on the fact that you don't like plagues.
Kirk: You're doomed, Bones.
Kukulkan: I showed you how to build pyramids, and you never called me! Ungrateful children!
Kirk: You don't happen to know Apollo, do you?
{everything is back to normal}
Uhura: Incoming message: Seniors are not useless after all. Mandatory retirement rescinded!
Kirk: Your flower has bloomed again.
McCoy: Holy subtle metaphors!

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