Planet of Hats


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Episode ST.5: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, part 1


I thought The Final Frontier would be easy to send up because of how bad it is. But when writing this comic I was struggling to remember any scenes even worth mentioning. Obviously the horribly painful fan dance scene with Uhura, and the most memorable line of the film (coming up in part 2), but what else?

Well, obviously I filled out the list to 24 panels worth of material. But it wasn't easy.

Yes, The Final Frontier really is as bad as you remember - or have forgotten, as the case may be. I've been rewatching all of the episodes and films in order to draw them for Planet of Hats, and I've been indoctrinating my wife, who's never seen any of them before, along the way. She's enjoyed most of it, but after this film was over and the credits were rolling she turned to me and said, "That was pretty bad."

Fortunately we have another film to go.


{Nimbus III}
Caption: A Romulan, a human, and a Klingon walk into a bar...
Caithlin Dar: I'm Caithlin Dar.
St John Talbot: Welcome to Nimbus III.
General Korrd: The Planet of Unmemorable Minor Characters.
Sybok: You're my prisoners.
Caithlin: Our governments will rescue us.
Sybok: Good! Ha ha ha ha!!
Caption: A laughing Vulcan!
Caption: Yosemite National Park, Earth
Spock: Why are you free climbing El Capitan?
Kirk: To show I'm not old. Why are you hovering there in antigrav boots?
Spock: To show I'm not stupid.
{Enterprise bridge}
Engineer's log, Stardate 8454.1 This new Enterprise is awful. Transporters offline, which means some new adventure no doubt.
Uhura: Red alert, Scotty!
Scotty: Och!
{Yosemite, around a campfire}
Kirk: {singing} Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...
McCoy: {singing} Row, row, row your boat...
Spock: This is inane.
Kirk: The singing?
Spock: Your script.
Uhura: {in shuttlecraft} Emergency, captain. Shore leave is cancelled!
Spock: Oh thank goodness.
Caption: And let's throw some more Klingons in, why not?
Vixis: Enterprise is going to Nimbus III.
Klaa: I shall kill Kirk!
Caption: Klaa. Lead guitar in a Klingon glam rock band.
Scotty: We cannae transport ye down. Ye'll have to land far from Paradise City to avoid detection.
Kirk: We'll steal horses. Uhura, distract the locals!
{Nimbus III}
Caption: Weird fan dance...
Uhura: Hello boys!
Caption: Thing that happens
Kirk: Be one with the horse, Spock.
Spock: Are you sure you don't want me to take over directing?
Caption: Spock nerve pinches a horse!
Caption: Thing that happens
Kirk: Never fear, the rescue party is here! Mission accomplished!
Sybok: Not so fast. We're only halfway through this film. You're my prisoners!
Spock: Sybok!

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