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No. 459: Do the plot twist, baby! One, two, three, kick!

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Do the plot twist, baby! One, two, three, kick!

First | Previous | 2020-11-07 | Next | Latest

Permanent URL: https://mezzacotta.net/itoons/?comic=459

Strip by: Conor

{A room in the Lodges' mansion.}
Hiram Lodge: I have been waiting for you to appear since we arrived here.
Hiram: {blandly} I have many questions for you, Veronica Lodge.
Veronica: Like what?
Hiram: Well, how is it that a baby with no extraordinary magical talent managed to defeat the greatest wizard of all time?
Hiram: {becoming angry} How did you escape with nothing but a scar, while Lord Voldemort’s powers were destroyed?
Veronica: Why do you care how I escaped? Voldemort was after your time.
Hiram: Voldemort is my past, present and future.
{Words appear on some sort of whiteboard}
{They rearrange to:}
Hiram: You see?
Veronica: {confused} Hang on, that anagram doesn’t work out…
Hiram: {blithely} Well if you’re going to split hairs, we’ll be here all day.
Hiram: Speak to me Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts Four!
{A classroom in Riverdale High. Jughead is asleep. Betty Cooper and another student look on. Archie is suspiciously absent...}
Prof. Flutesnoot: Jughead!!
{Jughead wakes up}
Flutesnoot: You do not yet realize your importance.
Flutesnoot: You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training.
Flutesnoot: With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to Riverdale.
Jughead: {blithely} I'll never join you!
Flutesnoot: {aside} If you only knew the power of The Dark Side!
Flutesnoot: Archie never told you what happened to your father.
Jughead: {irritated} He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Flutesnoot: {handing Jughead some sort of paper document} No. Archie killed your father.
Jughead: {looking over the document in dismay} No… No. That’s not true! That’s impossible!
Flutesnoot: Search your feelings. You know it to be true!
Jughead: No !!! ... Nooo !!!!!
{In the halls of Riverdale High}
Reggie: {angry} Die, monster! You don't belong in this world!
Archie: {frustrated} It was not by my hand that I'm once again given flesh.
Archie: I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute.
Reggie: "Tribute"?! You steal men's souls, and make them your slaves!
Archie: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.
{Betty Cooper briefly passes by as they argue. Veronica is absent, presumably still off dealing with Slytherin's Monster...}
Reggie: Your words are as empty as your soul! Mankind ill needs a saviour such as you!
Archie: {disgusted} What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets!
Archie: But enough talk! Have at you!
{They arm-wrestle}
{A different hallway of Riverdale High}
Mr. Weatherbee: Tell me, why did the Jedi spare you? Is it vengeance you seek at this reunion?
Ms. Grundy: This meeting was inevitable, Waldo!
Weatherbee: As is the outcome.
Weatherbee: I am actually surprised this confrontation did not happen sooner, given how powerful your mind once was.
Weatherbee: Even the combined power of the Jedi Council couldn’t keep your true identity buried forever, could it?
Weatherbee: {forcefully} You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan!
Weatherbee: {triumphant} Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord ...
Weatherbee: {smugly} ... and that I have taken your place!
Text overlay: What shocking revelations will be next????? ... Tune in next time to find out!

The author writes:

I've never watched the Riverdale T.V. show, but the references to it I've happened to come across online have me imagining something like this. Vaguely inspired by the blurb for Darths & Droids #918.

Original Archie: 2017-11-14; 2017-08-29; 2019-02-27; 2019-01-16; 2016-04-29; 2007-04-06; 2009-02-20; 2010-06-21; 2008-04-19; 2018-03-30; 2016-02-27; 2016-11-28; 2015-11-16; 2014-09-25; 2020-01-24; 2020-01-21; 2020-04-08; 2018-02-07; 2016-02-17; 2018-02-02