mezzacotta Puzzle Competition

Solution: 2A. Learn Your ABCs

This puzzle is a variant of the Cockney Alphabet, a humorous association of letters to words that when pronounced aloud sound like various more or less common phrases. To make the associations, the letters and the word "for" need to be interpreted loosely, and it certainly helps to say the candidate phrases aloud when solving this puzzle.

There are some phrases with multiple possibilities, but the ambiguities can be resolved by working through the phrases with only a single good match. After doing this we end up with:

AssociationExplanation
A for 'orses"Hay for horses"
B for chicken"Beef or chicken?"
C for explosiveC-4 explosive
D for hit pointsd4 hit points (such as a creature in Dungeons & Dragons)
E for processE-4 process
F for aperturef/4 aperture
G for nationsG4 nations
H for dependent visaH-4 dependent visa
I for an eye"Eye for an eye"
J for cave, PennsylvaniaJ4 Cave, Pennsylvania
K for Gasherbrum IIK4, Gasherbrum II
L for dwarf"Elf or dwarf?"
M for motorwayM4 motorway
N for Washburn guitarN4 Washburn guitar
O for Pete's sake"Oh for Pete's sake!"
P for a drug test"Pee for a drug test"
Q for an amusement park ride"Queue for an amusement park ride"
R for FonzarelliArthur Fonzarelli
S for keep away from living quartersS4 - keep away from living quarters
T for golf"Tee for golf"
U for a longbow"Yew for a longbow"
V for engineV4 engine
W for penalties"Double you for penalties" (referring to a penalty double in contract bridge)
X for superheroesX-Force superheroes
Y for mistress"Wife or mistress?"
Z for BMWZ4 BMW

Taking the number provided for each letter, indexing into the matching clue phrase, and arranging in order of the original clues, gives:

IndexClueLetter
3mistressS
2Pete's sakeE
6an amusement park rideS
1apertureA
2BMWM
4cave, PennsylvaniaE
1superheroesS
3nationsT
4dwarfR
2dependent visaE
6chickenE
3motorwayT
6penaltiesT
1hit pointsH
3an eyeE
3'orsesS
4a drug testU
2processR
1Gasherbrum IIG
2keep away from living quartersE
2FonzarelliO
4a longbowN
3Washburn guitarS
5explosiveO
2engineN
1golfG

The letters spell the clue phrase "SESAME STREET THE SURGEON SONG".

A quick Internet search reveals that the Surgeon Song from Sesame Street is actually named ALPHABET TIME, which fits the theme of the puzzle and is the solution.