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Episode 3.1: Spock's Brain

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Where to begin?

This is often reviled as the worst episode of Star Trek ever made. And yeah, it's bad, but it's only bad because the plot is stupid and the dialogue is silly and the acting is hammy and there are painfully sexist attitudes in it. Honestly, there are worse things in some of the other episodes. At least this one is so silly you can laugh at it.

Transcript

1
Captain's log, Stardate 5431.4. An alien woman has mysteriously appeared on the bridge!
Kirk: Aha! Do you need me to teach you about love?
2
McCoy: Jim, Spock's brain is gone!
Kirk: What?
McCoy: But... he's alive!
Kirk: What what??
3
Kirk: How long can he live like that?
McCoy: No idea. But we gotta save Spock's brain in 24 hours or he'll die!
Kirk: Allons-y!
McCoy: 23 hours, 59 minutes, 47 seconds...
4
Sulu: Sigma Draconis VI. Glaciated!
Chekov: Bah. Is colder in Russia!
Uhura: There's a regular high energy signal!
Sulu: But no sign of technology!
5
Morg: You must flee. The givers of pain and delight will capture you!
Kirk: The woman! Where's the woman?
Morg: Woman and woman? What is woman?
Kirk: Aha! It is up to me to teach their women to love!
6
McCoy: R.C. Spock!
Kirk: Amazing! His entire voluntary nervous system controlled... how?
McCoy: This panel, with three buttons!
7
Luma: We are Eymorg. You are not Morg or Eymorg!
Scotty: A woman. She can't be the leader!
Kirk: Your leader, take us to him!
Luma: Him and him! What is him?
8
Kirk: Spock's brain! Where's his brain?
Kara: Brain and brain! What is brain?!
McCoy: These women can't be in control!
Kara: Control? The Controller controls!
9
Spock: Captain, I am within the mainframe.
Kirk: Spock? You're the Controller? We're coming to get you!
10
Luma: Hey, Kara! Do not let them take the Controller! We will die!
Kirk: My directive is prime! Save Spock, interfere with your culture, and teach you women about love!
11
McCoy: We got an awful lot of trouble. I can't reattach his brain! I'm a doctor, not a neurosurgeon!
Kirk: Use this weird alien "Teacher" thing to boost your IQ!
12
Caption: It works!
McCoy: For his head is hollow and I have touched Spock's brain...
Kirk: Bones?
McCoy: Monsters from the Id!


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Last updated: Wednesday, 29 July, 2015; 03:11:11 PDT.
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