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<     Episode 2.16: The Gamesters of Triskelion     >

Episode 2.16: The Gamesters of Triskelion

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This episode is like someone took all the other episodes of Star Trek, dumped them in a blender, and hit "high" for 30 seconds.

And then removed some of Shahna's costume.

EDIT: A reader on the forums pointed out that you can try reading the Provider dialogue in the following voices:

I did not plan this at all, but thought it was too good not to include here.

Transcript

1
{the Providers, disembodied brains, in a transparent dome deep under the planet Triskelion}
Provider 1: {a red brain} Well, we've transcended our bodies and become omnipotent god-like brains. Now what?
Provider 2: {a green brain} Higher philosophy? Art? Nurturing new civilisations?
Provider 3: {a yellow brain} Boooring.
2
Provider 1: Wait, wait! How about we abduct a starship captain from 12 light years away?
Provider 2: What? Why?
Provider 3: Go on...
Provider 1: We bring him plus two crew here, then get thralls to train them as gladiators.
3
Provider 2: This makes no sense.
Provider 3: Can we have a female thrall in some skimpy silver thing?
Provider 1: Sure, why not? Two female thralls, so the one female crew member will have to fight both of them.
4
Provider 2: Because...?
Provider 1: No male hero will fight a female. Unless...
Provider 3: Ooh! We assign the captain the sexy female trainer. Who knows nothing about love, so he'll have to teach her, if you know what I mean...
5
Provider 1: Okay. And when they're trained as gladiators, we bid to buy them for our teams.
Provider 2: We have teams?
Provider 1: Yeah! And - this is the genius part - then they fight each other and we bet on the outcome!
6
{beat}
7
Provider 2: Bet what?
Provider 1: Quatloos!
Provider 2: We're disembodied brains! We have no use for money!
8
Provider 3: He's got a point.
Provider 1: This is just to get the captain to propose a fight to the death, wagering freedom against the enslavement of his entire crew.
Provider 2: What?
9
Provider 1: Then we force him to fight his sexy trainer!
Provider 3: Nice!
Provider 2: But with him seducing her, she'll surrender and he'll win.
Provider 1: Yeah, then we grant them freedom and teach the thralls how to build a free civilisation.
10
Captain's log, Stardate 3211.7. Uhura, Chekov, and myself were captured by omnipotent god-like aliens and forced to fight to the death. My shirt got ripped, so I took it off. Then I seduced my sexy alien warden.
11
I tried to talk our captors into a logical paradox, but it turned out they were brains, not computers. So I bet on my ability to prevail in a fight to secure our release. All in all, an adventure completely unlike any other.
12
Provider 3: This was all just a trick to get me to agree to build a civilisation, wasn't it?
Provider 1: BAZINGA!


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