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Episode 2.5: The Apple


I got the idea for the shtick in this comic while watching the original episode again with my wife, who hadn't seen it before. When Akuta appeared, she said, "It's an Oompa-Loompa!" And I knew exactly what I had to do.

It spices up what is otherwise a rather unsubtle Garden of Eden allegory. Apart from the serpent being an omnipotent god-like computer.


Captain's log, Stardate 3715.3. Exploring Gamma Trianguli 6.
Kirk: It's... a world of pure imagination.
Chekov: Like Garden of Eden in Russia.
McCoy: In the Holy Land, Ensign.
Chekov: Da, Russia is the Holy Land.
McCoy: Hendorff's dead, Jim. Killed by this plant.
Spock: And these styrofoam rocks are explosive.
Kirk: So the danger now is growing; 'tis the grisly Reaper mowing.
Spock: There is a village 17 kilometres away.
Kirk: Let's walk through this deadly terrain, instead of transporting closer.
McCoy: There's no earthly way of knowing which direction we are going...
Kirk: A native!
Akuta: Oompa-loompa, doompety Dahl. // I've got some exposition for y'all.
Akuta: My name's Akuta; my clan is in thrall // To a god-like entity, of the name Vaal.
Scotty: Cap'n! We cannae beam ye up, and some force field is draggin' Enterprise out o' orbit!
Kirk: I never thought my life could be // anything but catastrophe...
Akuta: Oompa-loompa, doompety dake. // Here is Vaal, he looks like a snake.
Kirk: Say of this, Spock, what do you make?
Spock: 'Tis a computer, Vaal is a fake.
Kirk: No children?
Akuta: Replacements are forbidden by Vaal.
Martha: But when you fall in love?
Akuta: Oompa-loompa, doompety dove. // What is this thing you humans call love?
Chekov: Who can take a sunrise, sprinkle it with dew? // Cover it in chocolate and a miracle or two?
Martha: Young Chekov can, young Chekov he can, // Young Chekov he can, 'cos he mixes it with love,
Martha: and makes the world taste good...
SFX: smooch! {Chekov and Martha kiss}
{in background villagers Sayana and Makora look on with wide eyes}
Akuta: Oompa-loompa, doompety dill. // Vaal is upset now, hear of his will.
Akuta: Grab a big stick, their brains we must spill. // Innocence gone, we've learnt how to kill!
Kirk: We must lead them out of Paradise, // Simply look around and view it,
Kirk: Anything I want to, do it, // Want to change their world, there's nothing to it...
Kirk: Scotty, fire! {phaser fire from Enterprise hits Vaal}
Akuta: Oompa-loompa, doompety doo. // Vaal is destroyed now, what do we do?
Kirk: Good and evil, we've given to you. // Take them and build your culture anew.
{the Enterprise bridge}
Spock: Captain, I'm concerned we violated the Prime Directive.
Kirk: Interfering with an alien culture?
Spock: Making heavy-handed Biblical allusions.
Kirk: I don't care how... I want it now!
SFX: Crunch! {Kirk bites into an apple}

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