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<     Episode 1.17: The Squire of Gothos     >

Episode 1.17: The Squire of Gothos

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The mirror really goes "boing" when it breaks. Also, they drink a lot of coffee on the bridge of the Enterprise. I hope the electronics are well insulated against spills, but given how easily they spark and blow up all the time I'm not counting on it.

Transcript

1
Captain's log, Stardate 2124.5. Crossing a star void to resupply colony Beta Six.
Sulu: Planet ahead, sir! But no star.
Kirk: Analysis, Spock?
Spock: It makes more sense than naming a colony "Beta Six".
2
Uhura: Radio interference, cap- Mr Spock! Sulu and the Captain are gone!
Spock: Emergency!
Uhuru: How can you tell it's an emergency?
Spock: The captain always leaves the bridge in an emergency.
3
Jaeger: They're not on board. They must be on the planet.
McCoy: I'll beam down and find them!
Spock: Surface scan, Mr Jaeger.
Jaeger: No soil or vegetation. Hot, toxic atmosphere, continuous volcanic eruptions. Deadly.
McCoy: I'll be in sick bay!
4
Caption: But they beam down anyway!
McCoy: I thought you said it was deadly.
Jaeger: Eh, sensors, you know.
McCoy: Is that a castle?
Jaeger: Yeah, we missed that too.
5
McCoy: Jim! Sulu! Are you okay?
Trelane: They're enjoying my hospitality. Squire Trelane of planet Gothos, at your service.
Kirk: We need to return to our ship.
Trelane: But not that service.
6
Trelane: I shall abduct some of the more attractive members of your crew. And Mr Spock.
Trelane: Shall we dance?
Spock: I did not bring my dancing shoes.
7
Kirk: Get your hands off my latest Yeoman of the week!
SFX: Slap! {Kirk hits Trelane with a glove}
Trelane: A duel! Splendid!
8
SFX: Pow! Crash!
Trelane: You shot my mirror! You'll pay for that!
Spock: For destroying your power source?
Trelane: No, now I can't admire myself!
Kirk: Beam us up, Scotty!!
SFX: Boing
9
Kirk: Yeoman, didn't you have time to get changed on the way up from the transporter room?
Yeoman Ross: I wouldn't have been able to make your coffee then.
Kirk: Oh, fair enough.
10
Caption: Kirk suddenly finds himself in a courtroom!
Trelane: You are guilty of treason, conspiracy, and spoiling my party. You will hang by the neck until dead!
Kirk: Don't I get a defence?
Trelane: Dead, dead, dead!
11
Kirk: Where's the sport in a simple hanging, Trelane? The fun?
Trelane: What do you suggest?
Kirk: We rip our shirts and have a fist fight!
12
Father Godlike Alien: Trelane, stop annoying your pets. Let them go. You're not to make any more planets.
Mother Godlike Alien: We apologise. Trelane is a naughty child and will be punished.
Kirk: Couldn't you just have given him an iPad?


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