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No. 792: Steve Wars: Attack of the Cone

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Steve Wars: Attack of the Cone

First | Previous | 2018-10-08 | Next | Latest

Strip by: Sloublues

Oliver: You seem like an okay guy, Steve. Why did you turn evil?
Steve: Well . . .
-- FLASHBACK --
Steve: I'm so glad we're best friends, Ambrose.
Ambrose: Now, now, Steve. As scientists we must be impervious to emotion, for emotion leads . . . to the Subjective Side.
{A distance shot, where we see that Steve and Ambrose are on the rim of a smoldering volcano.}
Steve: All that lava down there is incredible!
Ambrose: Fascinating is the word, Steve. As scientists we must be impervious to incredulity!
Sign: CURRENT STATUS
Sign: Extinct
Sign: Dormant
Sign: Active
Sign: Thinking about it <--
Steve: But as fun as Hawaii has been, we're only putting off our decision, Ambrose. We're done with grad school, but what comes next?
Ambrose: We bring peace to the galaxy . . . through SCIENCE!
SFX: POOF!
Steve's Shoulder Devil: Or you could conquer Indiana.
Steve: Or I could conquer Indiana. I could use all the spare clones from my thesis, maybe find a superweapon for cheap on eBay . . .
Ambrose: What? No! Don't give in to delusions of grandeur, Steve!
Steve: {muttered aside} You're one to talk.
Ambrose: Is there nothing I can say to dissuade you from your course?
Steve: Nothing at all!
Ambrose: Oh.
Steve: But we're still best buds, right?
Ambrose: Er, yes. Of course.
{Ambrose looks around to see if anyone is watching, as Steve innocently leans over for a better look . . .}
SFX: *nudge*
Steve: AAAAAAAAAH
-- KCABHSALF --
Steve: . . . and by the time they pulled me out, I had third-degree burns over ninety percent of my spleen.
Samantha: You look pretty good for someone who lost most of his flesh in a volcano.
Steve: Oh, the plastic surgeon was fantastic.

The author writes:

I may have to do NaNoWriMo just so I can start a story with "You seem like an okay guy, [name]. Why did you turn evil?"

Tune in next time for spoiiiilers. But not spoilers for Rogue One. Or Solo. Or anything that comes out after Solo. By now, it shouldn't be a spoiler that the non-Steves are David Birch's work.