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No. 186: Worship the Cat

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Worship the Cat

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Strip by: Matthew Prower

ACT 1
Pig: What's with the locks on the panel frames?
Rat: It's to keep Pastis out. We're taking this strip hostage.
Pig: Why?
Rat: Because Rat is a comics superstar and demands respect. So until Pastis starts compensating Rat appropriately, Rat is gonna lock himself in and take down the entire strip.
Pig: but how?
(Rat holds up a giant book)
Rat: BEHOLD! The last four years of 'SRoMG' punchlines!
Pig: I hate Mondays.

ACT 2
Rat: You heard me right, Pastis. Until you start treating me like the comic superstar I am, I will continue to lock myself in these panels and utter punchlines from "SRoMG volume 1".
Pastis: You can't do that, Rat, you'll destroy 'Pearls'.
Rat: Oh, I can't, huh? Watch me then.
Pastis: Listen Rat, I know that you depend on this strip as much as I do. You're not gonna risk destroying it. So your bluffing has no effect on me.
Rat: "The World is Constantly Changing".
Pastis: HOLY @()#*! ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! LET'S TALK, MAN, LET'S TALK!

ACT 3
Caption: THE GREAT PEARLS LOCKOUT
Rat: Listen, Pastis... Either you give me what I want, or I ruin this strip by uttering a new 'SRoMG' punchline every hour, on the hour.
Pastis: Okay, Rat... you win... Whaddya want?
Rat: Salary... triple it.
Pastis: You got it.
Rat: My dressing room... Stock it with "M&M's". But no red ones. I hate the red ones.
Pastis: It's yours.
Rat: Strip's name...Change it to 'Worship the Rat'
Pastis: Oh, dude...please...you can't-
Rat: "Welcome to Garfield's Horror Theater".
(The strip's title appears, reading 'Worship the Rat')
Rat: That's better.
Pastis: Okay, man. You've got what you want. Now just...put..the...book...down. ..

ACT 4
Pastis: Okay, Rat...You got what you asked for. Now put down the 'Garfield' book and unlock the panel.
Rat: Ohh, no...I'm not finished Pastis. From now on, you will depict me as a Roman emperor surrounded by hot chicks who are feeding me grapes. And aah, yes...I will speak of myself only in the person.
Pastis: Are you kidding me?!
Rat: Shhh...I am trying to glue a blender to my face in honor of Saturday night. This, my friend, is COMEDY!
(the scene is completely overhauled)
Rat: You have pleased the rat.

ACT 5 or so
Pastis: Olay, Rat...You've pushed your luck too far. You've uttered so many 'SRoMG' punchlines that the strip is damaged irrevocably. You have no more leverage to use on me.
Rat: Rita...bring the Rat s copy of "SRoMG, Volume 2: Electric Boogaloo."
Pastis: I'M...GOING...TO...KILL...YOU...
Rita: "Hello, I'm a fat lazy cat!"
Rat: Haha...the Rat is so amused.

The author writes:

Act 5 was going to be a U.S. Acres joke, but I changed my mind

Original strips: Pearls before Swine, 2004-05-24 to 2004-05-28.