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No. 183: The Craig Compilation, Vol. II

The Craig Compilation, Vol. II

First | Previous | 2017-08-24 | Next | Latest

Strip by: AlduinTheCat

{Due to the similarity of the panels, a basic transcript is provided below. The rest of the transcript is a series of quotes/actions, each of which replace the middle line of the basic transcript.)
[Basic Panel Setup]:
Narration Box: First Class Geek: Happily sails away from the shores of reality.
{Cashier encounters (a) strange person/people.}
Cashier: Uh, Craig?
(And now, the rest of the transcript.)
Scientist Bug With Grenade: It possesses an antibacterial blast radius of 15 meters.
Bug With Teacup: Holy crap. I was King Tut.
{A Bug stands by the counter, screaming. A box labelled "High-pitched scream only dogs can hear" points to him.}
Scientist Bug 1: The heart's a perfect match!
Scientist Bug 2: Finally, we can resurrect Hitler!
{A FemBug stands by the counter, holding a stapler to her ear. A box labelled "Stapling her ears shut" points to her.}
Large Bug With Lots Of Money: Excellent point! Let's spend some MONEY!
Border Patrol Bug Striding Towards Counter: Alright, Nazi. Let's see your green card.
Pirate Bug: ARR! Hand over the Magnavox, landlubber!
Bug With Raised Arms: Is it me, or does my armpit smell exceptionally bad today?
Hypnotized Bug: Must strangle hockey player for some reason.
Drowzy Bug In Pajamas: He was up till 3 A.M. looking at LOL Cats!
Doctor Deathkill: No one can stop Doctor Deathkill!
DeathBug: I hear that Drano tastes just like root beer.
Cowboy Hat Bug: How many times in a row are you gonna play "Oh! Susanna"?
Angry ChildBug With Gun: Why did you give me that name, Dad?!
Bug Holding Energy Drink: I think my heart just stopped.
GlassesBug With Papers: You're not the fondue set's father.
Robber Bug Holding Briefcase Filled With Wadded-Up Bills: Aw you jerk.
{Two Bugs holding flags with shapes on them hold hands. Two arrows labeled "United In Hatred" point to them.}
Skeletal Bug: YEAH! SUCK IT, IMAX!
{In the distance, a Bug sits in the middle of a small, wooden fort. There is a sign next to him reading "FORT AWESOME".}
{A FemBug presses the top of a BabyBug's head, which emits clicking sounds. A box labeled "Camera Embedded In Baby" points to them.}
Flight Attendant Bug: Oh my God! The pilots are dead!
{In the distance, there is a Bug wearing a top hat and tutu. He is carrying two sparklers.}
Bug Having Nervous Breakdown (AKA The Bug That Was Just Described):And I think YOU need to beware of my sparkler nunchucks!
GlassesBug In Bowtie: You look very nice today, bitchosaurus.
{In the distance, a running Bug throws a Molotov Cocktail behind himself at nothing in particular.}
Running Bug: Eat Molotov Cocktail, psycho!
Angel Bug: You didn't avenge me?!
Mummy Bug: Officer. I'd like to report a robbery.
Vibrating Bug With IPod: BAH!
GlassesBug With Clipboard And Insufficient Punctuation: We need you to go down in the basement and moan for a half hour
Two Bug In Lots Of Safety Gear: {chanting} One of us. One of us. One of us.
Vibrating Bug Attempting To Comb Antenna: Lousy, disobedient mane. Do my comb's bidding!

The author writes:

Yes, that's right, I made another one. These don't actually take very long to make; I'm just lazy. Lazy and prone to procrastination.

Original Strips: Bathroom Blitzkrieg, Tea Time, Watch Where Yer Goin', Organ Donor, Whistlers, Hummers and “Dum-De-Dummers”, Want VS Need, Spot The Immigrant, Yacht VS Small TV, Hero Or A Zero, Mysterious Bruises, Morning Me, We Don't Need Another Hero, Path To Adulthood, Westerns, Stupid Baby Name Police, Energy Drinks, Sex, Lies, and Blu-ray Players, Dealing With Kidnappers, Peacemaker, Nuclear Blast Radius, Castaway, Double O Bug, Random Thoughts, Nervous Breakdown, The Survivor Audition Tape, Bug Hunt, The Avenger, The Mummy Returns, Dance Fever, Ghost Bug, Seatbelts, Bald Bug, Geekdom.