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No. 163: No one Likes Gaston

No one Likes Gaston

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Strip by: DanielBT

I'm typing as fast as I can...
SFX: Clic
SFX: Clic

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Parks like Gaston,
Gaston: It really wets your whistle, huh? Hee hee hee! Don't look so discouraged! You're looking at the man who's solved the parking space problem!

Fights Sharks like Gaston,
Gaston: I'll have to get rough... I'll choke this one...
Shark: RREUH
Jeanie: Aaah! Such strong arms...
Jeanie: Pow, in the kisser!
Shark: I'm outta here.
Jeanie: You win by a nose!

No one leaves people in the Dark like Gaston.
Fantasio: Bah! Like he could... there's too much electricity in the city...
Gaston: Here goes! Let's see...

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Itches like Gaston,
Fishes like Gaston,
Gaston: Got one! It's a real beauty! Hee hee hee hee!
Fantasio: GIMME THAT.

No one racks up as many Tickets as Gaston.
Longtarin: Breaking laws on fumes, emanations, atmospheric pollution and all that, hmm? Hmm? That makes five...
Longtarin: And six: Noight Polution!*
Gaston: WHABUH?! At this hour?
Longtarin: Not my fault it's getting dark so early in the day...
*Night / Noise

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Soaps like Gaston,
Gaston: Send it OVER: ONE... TWO...
Gaston: THREE
SFX: PCHHHIIIII

Mopes like Gaston,

No one dares to Jump Rope like Gaston.
Gaston: I've done it, buddies! I have no regrets over those long weeks of practice...
Prunelle: We do!...
Gaston: The Bicyclown! A sweet number for attracting attention...
Redhead: Not here!

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Thinks like Gaston,

Drinks like Gaston,
Gaston: FunNy cOckTail ...A MaLt toPped ofF with biTTer... Hee hee hee! ...aNd a VirgIn Mary miXed wiTh sherRy... YEAH!

No one wastes as much Ink as Gaston.
Gaston: It's really simple! You take some soap and... uh...
Gaston: Killjoy!

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Zooms like Gaston,
Gaston: Wha
Gaston: Buh?!

Perfumes like Gaston,
Gaston: I specialized in the chemistry of aerosol perfumes...
Gaston: ...It'll cool you off!...

No one dresses up in Costumes like Gaston.
Franquin: AAAAH
Gaston: Hmmml bmll

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Mows like Gaston,
Gaston: You just have to be patient...
SFX: Poutt poutt poutt

Blows like Gaston,
Gaston: Wohoah! There's no risk to my fragile lungs... and I can sing at the same time!

No one breaks as many Windows as Gaston.
Policeman: ...There's not an intact window within a 500 meter radius!
Commissioner: Must be a new sound- breaking airplane.
Franquin: ...yes, yes! You break it, you buy it Gaston...
SFX: Crac

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Looks like Gaston,
Gaston: Ggrrmmbl... Prunelle things it's funny to make me clear my desk in this weather!!

Cooks like Gaston,
...Well, I asked his opinion, since I thought my chili sauce was bland. So, Prunelle, can you taste and see if he's over-reacting too much?

No one can Stack as many Books as Gaston.
SFX: SLAM
Gaston: NOOO!
SFX: BRRROODOLOROUM
Prunelle: !!

NOOOOOOOOO ONNNNE.....
Falls like Gaston,
Franquin: AAAAAHH

Bounces Balls like Gaston,
SFX: Bang
SFX: Tom x 10
SFX: Tching

BirdCalls like Gaston,
Gaston: SLOUUP TOUUUT
Franquin: Won't work...
Bird: SLOUP TOUT?
Gaston: Rats, it didn't work...

Mixes chemicals like Gaston,
Prunelle: HURRRRY Before you cause a...
Gaston: Hehoo! Whoop...
Gaston: whabuh!
SFX: BAM

No one can Deck the Halls like Gaston.
Gaston: WHABUH! Let me double-check my plans... logically it should turn slowly on liquify...
Jeanie: Peace on Earth, Good will to men...

The author writes:

Andre Franquin, the Belgian cartoonist revolutionized the European Comic scene with his portrayal of the Tintin-esque Spirou. Once he grew bored with that universe, he started branching out and expanding his original character who would eclipse the popularity of his previous creation. The result was a gag-style strip staring Gaston Lagaffe, whose cries of M'enfin! are iconic. (Which I've translated as WhaBuh.) His manchildish behavior, lazy work ethic and naive outlook on the world make him an early predecessor to Mr. Bean.

So it wasn't much of a jump to take the chorus to the Beauty & the Beast song to a new direction.

The last line has a subtle change to allude to a Sunday Garfield comic, but other than that, the rest is close to the original meaning and pure improvisation.