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No. 2226: The Big Bright Green Garfield Machine

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The Big Bright Green Garfield Machine

First | Previous | 2015-06-23 | Next | Latest

Strip by: Sloublues

{Garfield walks away from Odie and Jon, both of whom have their dinners dumped on their heads}
Do people have a tendency to dump on you?
Jon: {pointing to his open mouth, which lacks in teeth} Excuse me, I have healthy gums!
Garfield: I'm leaving
Does your group have more cavities than theirs?
Jon: On the count of three, go for the doughnut
Jon: One...
{Garfield pops the doughnut into his mouth}
Do all the kitties seem to get the jump on you?
Jon: {to his alarmed date} Your nose is like an ice pick stuck in a barn door
Do you sleep alone when others sleep in pairs?
Jon: I can't feel my legs!!
Well, there's no need to complain
SFX: BONK!
{Garfield is knocked out by a thrown newspaper}
We'll eliminate your pain
Jon: I sure do enjoy breathing!
We can neutralize your brain, you'll feel just fine now
Garfield: {atop a huge green TV remote} Speak softly and carry a big channel changer
Buy a big bright green Garfield machine!
Jon: You'll do what I say because I'm the boss!
Garfield: You're cute when you're delusional
SFX: Pat pat pat
Do figures of authority just shoot you down?
Jon: People laughed at my tie all day
Garfield: Are you sure it wasn't your bunny slippers?
Is life within the business world a drag?
Jon: {food bowl dumped on his head} Let me guess. You're trying to tell me you don't like your meal
Garfield: In my own subtle way
Did your boss just mention that you'd better shop around
Jon: Hardware store
Garfield: {dropping the paper bag and spitting out a hammer} Poo!
SFX: CHONG!
To find yourself a more productive bag?
Jon: {jaw dropped in horror} ARRRRGH!
Garfield: ...Painting the kitchen
Are you worried and distressed?
Garfield: I hate Monday morning pep talks
Jon: {asleep on his feet} Z
Can't seem to get no rest?
Garfield: {surrounded by expensive things} I learned how to use your credit card
Put our product to the test, you'll feel just fine now
{A bright green stereo is frying Jon's ears via headphones}
Buy a big bright green Garfield machine!
Jon: {on the phone} Make it an extra-large
Garfield: NO fear, baby!!
You'd better hurry up and order one!
{Jon is beat up and Garfield holds a cookie}
Garfield: But, all bets are off when it comes to the last Christmas cookie
Our limited supplies are very nearly gone!
Jon: {starting up suddenly} WHAT'S THAT?!
Do you nervously await the blows of cruel fate?
Garfield: {soaking wet} Did you forget to pay the nature bill?
Do your checks bounce higher than a rubber ball?
Jon: Have you seen my new girlfriend?
Garfield: Define "new"
Are you worried 'cause your girlfriend's just a little late?
Garfield: {tossing a full glass at Odie} Life is like a cherry phosphate...by the time you get to the good stuff, the fizz is gone
Are you looking for a way to chuck it all?
Jon and Garfield: {fighting over a ham} UUUNGH!
We can end your daily strife
Jon: My face hurts
Garfield: That's the price you pay for love
At a reasonable price
Jon: Look what an ear mite can do
Garfield: Sooo glad to be here
You've seen it advertised in Life, you'll feel just fine now
Jon: {discovering a kitty-sized revolving door in the bright green fridge}
GARFIELD!
Buy a big bright green Garfield machine!
Garfield: {walking away from Jon's empty plate with a sub sandwich} I love giving people pleasure

The author writes:

You can hear Simon and Garfunkel perform "The Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine" on YouTube. I find it quite fitting to use a strip as commercialised as Garfield to illustrate this song.

The girlfriend panel is of course based on SRoMG #724.

I think the "healthy gums" panel could stand on its own as a SRoMG submission: "Jon Arbuckle turned up to 11".

Original strips: 1990-11-18, 1993-09-24, 1993-10-25, 1991-11-23, 1992-01-02, 1986-04-21, 1986-07-12, 1991-07-13, 1988-04-17, 2006-04-18, 1993-07-10, 1980-09-24, 1991-08-30, 1991-08-10, 1986-11-17, 1985-03-10, 1987-05-06, 2006-08-30, 1997-12-27, 1986-08-27, 2002-11-07, 2009-10-19, 2006-06-23, 1986-05-25, 1985-05-12, 2006-08-22, 2006-06-27, 1991-09-15, 1987-04-05.